ABCwatch

Tim Blair

Ombudsgod

New Criterion

 

 

Tuesday, October 26, 2004
 
You want undergraduate? Here it is, from the home of the perpetual under-graduation of the human spirit, the UK Guardian, in the form it took before some post-posting censorship.

The pre-text for this are the Bush-Kerry debates.

Quite frankly, [Bush] the man's either wired or mad. If it's the former, he should be flung out of office: tarred, feathered and kicked in the nuts. ... Each time he recalls a statistic (either from memory or the voice in his head), he flashes us a dumb little smile, like a toddler proudly showing off its first bowel movement. Forgive me for employing the language of the playground, but the man's a tool.

So I sit there and I watch this and I start scratching my head, because I'm trying to work out why Bush is afforded any kind of credence or respect whatsoever in his native country. His performance is so transparently bizarre, so feeble and stumbling, it's a miracle he wasn't laughed off the stage. And then I start hunting around the internet, looking to see what the US media made of the whole "wire" debate. And they just let it die. They mentioned it in passing, called it a wacko conspiracy theory and moved on.

On November 2, the entire civilised world will be praying, praying Bush loses. And Sod's law dictates he'll probably win, thereby disproving the existence of God once and for all. The world will endure four more years of idiocy, arrogance and unwarranted bloodshed, with no benevolent deity to watch over and save us. John Wilkes Booth, Lee Harvey Oswald, John Hinckley Jr - where are you now that we need you?


Later: Mark Steyn's key to Guardian humour: "Sneer globally, act fitfully".