ABCwatch

Tim Blair

Ombudsgod

New Criterion

 

 

Saturday, June 07, 2003
 
WE WERE NOT WRONG, "WE'RE JUST MORE CONFIDENT IN SAYING 'WE DON'T KNOW'"

After a shitty (bzzzt*** ban this site!!!****) week we all turn to the weekend paper mountain for spiritual refreshment, and are rarely disappointed.

Uncle had barely puffed into the foothills of the Weekend Australian (page 13, Chemical Ali alive and ticking) than he found his soul uplifted by the spiritual insights of Major Brad Lowell, a spokesgrunt for the US Central Command and his anonymous colleague.

Brad was speculating on the location of Chemical Ali or his by now very smelly remains. The US once claimed to have killed him. Are they now saying they think they didn't?

"We're just more confident in saying "We don't know"." came the military correction.

In such simple ways is history made. The best euphemism since "I am not lost; I am uncertain of my precise location."

Major Brad tried to improve on his anonymous colleague. Who wants to be standing next to a lottery-winner?

"there is no disposition next to his name [on the Army's list] therefore he's at large." It just can't compete, Brad.

Memo to Tommy Franks, or whoever: please tell me the name of your anonymous khaki spinner. Uncle wants to do his little bit to give him the posterity he deserves.