Tim Blair


New Criterion



Tuesday, January 28, 2003
WHILE ON THE SUBJECT of the rubbish at the bottom of my in-box, it is time to draw a conclusion to the poll on the people's will for the next appointment to the ABC Board.

Mr Christopher Pearson has edged ahead of Mr Peter Reith. This surprised me, despite my power to prevent it, which with customary discretion I refrained from exercising.

Less surprising was the fact that Ms Kernot, Gastropod Adams and Pastor Lane failed to get ahead of Max-weird McCutcheon, despite a flurry of last-minute multiple voting. There's the wisdom of the popular mind for you.

Here's what the Prime Minister has been waiting for so patiently.

Dear Mr John Howard

I know it's hard filling a vacancy on the ABC Board. The fees are lousy and the ABC staff ignore them. There's a little funny going around the ABC staff bulletin board. It says that an ABC Board member is a prick who should try fucking someone else for a change. Yes it is terrible what the government spends our tax money on.

Actually, the ABC staff didn't say that awful thing about their Board. I just made it up. But I bet they would say it if they thought of it.

So I have helped you by conducting a rort no deliberative poll to find out what the Australian people want you to do. You'll never believe the result!

Christopher Pearson! I know, I know. He's the fat one who wrote speeches for you once. Made you sound like the village parson whose congregation are right now walking backwards out the door. And you showed him the door. Not that you've sounded any better since.

Don't misunderstand me PM. I think it's the content that matters, not the rhetoric.

Still, you could try Don Watson who's between heroes at the moment.

Where was I. Christopher Pearson has earned the job. He has sat for just years and years on the National Museum Council and that pays worse than the ABC. Have you heard him whinge about it? And it isn't true that he tried to burn it down last week.

Peter Reith would do that so don't appoint him please.

Anyway, I have a better idea for him.

If you suggested to Peter Costello that you're holding the position for him he might get the hint.

No, better give it to Christopher Pearson.

If you do my entire factional vote is at your disposal.


Yours respectfully,


That should do the trick.